Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Social Media

What I'm about to post will be controversial, for sure, and argued among colleagues for months to come.


Combined Facebook accounts.

Yes, I know some of my readers have them, some have considered them.

Coming from the friend's perspective, they are annoying as heck.

Reason #1:  You never know who is really posting.

Now, I have had some friends combine accounts and their spouse never uses Facebook again. However, I have also commented on friends' posts before, only to find out it was actually their husband posting, their husband whom I have never met. I don't want to be unfriendly, but I wouldn't have started up a conversation with the guy had I known it was him.

I also feel weird when I have friends' posts come up in my news feed that are clearly from their spouse. I didn't friend your spouse, I friend-ed you.

I don't generally "friend" my friends' spouses unless we also have a friendship, a networking need to be friends, or perhaps even a calling where we might need to communicate or share ideas (but really, I've never had that happen).

Reason #2:  Suddenly, I have no desire to ever private message you again.

I will never know who is really reading those private messages.

I'm not one to send skanky pictures via a personal message, or talk about inappropriate things, but I do care to know who I am talking to. I don't plan on sending a message asking "how are ya", "hey do you want to go visiting teaching next week", "oh my gosh the worst thing just happened at work", "My kid just pooped all over the floor", etc to your husband. It's not that it's inappropriate, but I just really would like to be confident of who is reading my message.

Also, that emoji that has hearts for eyes? Yeah, I'd feel weird if I sent that in a message that your husband read first.

Years ago, I was expressing my frustration about combined accounts to a close friend who had recently gotten married. She sheepishly said that they were considering it themselves.

My response was that she should do what was best for herself and her husband, but that she would never get another private message from me, or a post on her wall. It just makes me feel weird. She should feel comfortable in how she uses social media, but I need to feel comfortable too. It goes both ways.

These are really my main reasons for hating it, but these are some reasons I've heard from others on why they are combining accounts:

This will help keep us accountable to each other and have transparency in our marriage.

I honestly believe if you have that big of a transparency issue, you should get off Facebook. And if you really can't trust your spouse that much and it is not unfounded, he/she probably has another account that you don't know about anyway.

With that being said, I don't expect to tell you anything over Facebook that I wouldn't want your spouse to see. (If I had something ultra personal, I'd probably preface my message with just that....but again...your spouse is your spouse, I don't expect you to keep secrets from them). I just don't want to feel like I'm sending something to you that your spouse might first screen.

My spouse doesn't use Facebook anyway, so this way everyone that wants to contact him can just contact me.

If he's not on Facebook, his colleagues and friends probably call/text/e-mail him just fine. And it's probably really apparent from his Facebook wall/profile that he doesn't ever use it.


La Gringa said...

agreed. Actually I agree with most of what you say, but I like that you give reasons for your opinions.

Alysa . . . . and Reed said...

My spouse never uses facebook, but likes when I leave mine open so he can go spy on people that I'm friends with that he wants to catch up on. Yeah. I wouldn't want to do a combined account, for all the reasons you listed. I too want to be sure of who I'm talking/messaging with. How awkward it could be otherwise.... Thanks for strengthening my resolve to not have a combined account. They seem kinda dumb anyway. LOL I don't have to do EVERYTHING with my spouse!