I am absolutely terrified to ever have children again.
I should re-phrase:
I am absolutely terrified to ever physically give birth to and raise from infancy any other children.
I still get anxiety thinking about having Claire. Maybe this is normal, but no one ever seems to want to address that fact. I don't care to talk about it (just thinking about it right now is giving me anxiety), but I also don't want people to pretend it's all peachy and something that isn't a big deal just because every woman who gives birth has to go through it.
And taking care of an infant. How do people get over the anxiety of wondering if their kid is alive all night? I look at my own grandma who had 10 kids and other friends and people I've known who have had similar #s of children and have zero (0) idea of how they emotionally and mentally (and physically) got through it.
Then couple everything with my migraines and pain problems. I'm terrified to be in the middle of a migraine and have 5 kids under 7 who need me all at once while my husband's away on a 12-hour shift at the hospital. It isn't like this is a once-a-year problem, but potentially a 1-5 times a week problem. It terrifies me. And then that anxiety in turn is likely to give me another migraine!
It's a vicious cycle.
I have always had a desire to be a foster parent. I can't explain it. I know that is not without its own HUGE set of challenges, but I often wonder if this isn't a possible solution.
There. I said it. Judge away.